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Follow the river.

Things I have not done in foreverrrrrr- blog. I am such a poor blogger. Instead, I stick to the old-fashioned journal. If I posted nearly half the things I'd consider sharing on here, someone might report me. Well, what to share. Every time I write on here, I feel as though I'm in the process of going through some major transition. I don't really think anyone reads this, but I was talking to a friend of mine who asked if I still "blogged." I guess I'm partly writing because of that as well. Well, I'm not working at MetLife anymore. I don't especially yearn for those days either, but I sometimes wish I had been working there so I could've made some alternate choices. You live and learn I suppose. Rather than living in full regret, I've decided to take the initiative to make a detour down the winding road called life. Forgive the cliche catch phrases but I tend to write in this cheesy format when wanting express five million things all at once. I might regret the choice I've made later on, but at least I'll fulfill the curiosity that harbors over me. (okay, done with the non-sensical rambling)I teach at an elementary school that is predominantly 'Hispanic/Latino'. It's pretty great because I really enjoy using my Spanish with the parents and the kids despite how poor it might sound to their standards. Most of them are central american so I'm sure my accent occasionally throws them off. Also, many times, I don't look hispanic to them which also throws them off. (Even with a spanish surname). I've gotten turkish, greek, salvadorian, columbian, etc. Not that it matters all that much, but I guess it's kinda cool that I can throw people off like that. Maybe it's the cluster of freckles on my cheeks or my fine European features. Haha. I jest.This week, we're giving the NYSESLAT (speaking part) which filled with asinine questions. *Correction- all four parts are filled with them. One question that isn't so terrible on the test is "Tell me about your favorite food." Then, there's the "My favorite color is blue" statement that students are supposed to reply to. :sigh: (Not so great). Well, today one of the students I was testing (A kindergardener) had a very unique answer to the favorite food question. 99% of the students so far have responded with "Pizza" or "Popcorn chicken" (which shows off the awesome variety offered at our school cafeteria). When the little girl told me "sushi" I smiled. Then, she went on. "Mmmm...yeah I really like sushi, my favorite food is sushi!" I couldn't help but find it absolutely adorable that she felt so strongly about sushi. Her favorite roll is the avocado. Kinda cool, especially for a five year old living in NY. And kudos to her parents for exposing her to different cuisine. She is a cute little hispanic girl in dual. I hope she travels the world one day.The past 8 months were also that of l-o-v-e. Aw. Blah. It hurt. It sucked. It was great. I still feel it (the infatuation, except it was a bit more than that). I didn't even think I'd fall hard again. I was sort of infatuation for a stupid amount of time (i.e. years) which made me determined to never fall again. Hm...to fall. Hoping to find a happy medium one day. Meaning someone who might actually appreciate me or legitimately mean it. Then again, I'm still trying to learn to do the same. I'm working on it.I still believe in love, peace and happiness despite the constant disappointments. Some people call it naive; I'll just call it hopeful.

Day 3- too many pronouns

So, I've been working for Metlife for about 3 weeks and getting used to things. I'm pretty quiet because I have nothing relevant to say to the typical convos that go on. This might be seen as smug, but it's really not my intention. Plus, they're actually okay, sometimes cheesy but my bosses despite being very stressed, are very friendly and understanding. Hence, the week off.

On Friday, I had my tonsillectomy which has been pretty painful. I can't eat actual ice cream so that sucks and Jenn brought me some Ralph's italian ice's which I've barely been able to enjoy because even that hurts to swallow. I usually take my pain medication and wait about a half hour to eat because it helps ease the eating process. My meals have consisted of jell-o, mashed potatoes, mashed squash and scrambled eggs. It takes me about 30 minutes to actually eat and then I'm pretty sleepy from the medication. I was taking these pills called hydro-apap which weren't helping so I switched to the liquid codeine which is now making me have these crazy, crazy, dreams.

On Saturday night I dreamt I was with my cousins and a friend of my cousin's in this white van. We were supposedly baking out the car and then my dad popped out of no where. Why we were smoking at the train station and in this white van..I don't know. Anywho, next thing I know my dad is laughing at us and walks away but then my aunt comes out of nowhere and asks us what we're doing and she sniffs the car and says "oohhmyygoodnissss" and my dad comes back with a chancleta (sandal) in hand and starts beating me. Bizzare? A wee bit.

Then, last night, I dreamt I was back in the classroom student teaching on my last day except the classroom looked a lot like my old high school classroom. Well, I think this was triggered by the fact that I was looking at grad schools last night. Anywho, so, I was in the classroom and suddenly this rat comes out from underneath the heater and starts jumping at me like a dog and is trying to sit on my lap. In the dream, (which starts in the May/spring setting) I started screaming and running down the hall sort of the way my host teacher did when she saw the dead mice in our room. Then, I saw my first host teacher and she starts asking me what I had learned from her and what lesson I intended on using for halloween (Idk..time travel?) and I really wish I remembered the specifics but I explained it all confidently and she was said, "wow, I'd love to use that lesson..do you mind?" and I was replied with "guuurrl pleaseee- my lesson is your lesson!" Following this crazy dream, I woke up at 8:08 realizing I had actually slept through my time of needing to take my dose of medication. I was so out of it that I slept for another hour and a half and finally took something at 10. Now, I'm probably going to pass out again because I feel the medication kicking in (aka...I'm getting sleepy).

The rollercoaster called life.

Last week was a better week. I wish I could've written about it when I was in higher spirits, but alas I was lazy and "busy"...nope, just lazy. I saw Stephen Colberto who I love dearly and he even named my cousin his token "Ecuadorian" friend. I also landed a job, and of course saw my jolly old chum Joey who I always enjoy spending small amounts of time with. 

Today, I started that job. I woke up with my continuously swelling eye and felt some sense of hope. That all went downhill after 12:30 p.m. Basically, I stack, tab, and organize home loan applications and insurance apps for MetLife. Eventually, you have to do some data-entry with all this information. It's very mundane, but it pays. The girl who was training me was pretty patient considering how slow I was but the people there for the most part aren't especially welcoming. It's probably a mix between their abundance of work, and my shy tendencies. 

I was also surprised to find out that my grandmother passed away this afternoon. I guess I shouldn't be that surprised since she was 99 but last I had heard (which was last week) she was fine. Slightly senile, but fine. Of course, everyone always finds it necessary to justify someone's death, especially when it comes to older people. "They've lived a long life." It doesn't mean they lived a good or happy life. And it certainly doesn't make me feel better about my grandmother dying. It doesn't help that I am horrible at dealing with death or any sort of emotional situation. I like being alone when dealing with death. Some people like being with others, but I feel strange. Everyone is crying and I can't. It's not that I don't feel sad, because I obviously do but I guess my crying cues are off from everyone else's. The most painful part right now is to watch my dad deal with this. He is the absolute worst when it comes with displaying emotions aside from happiness and anger. Man, I still remember her always telling me these crazy stories about her own childhood but I can't even remember what her favorite anything was except for this one bolero called Mil Violines. :sigh: I'm drained and tired but I doubt I'll sleep.

fail.

Yo' so broke that you had to ask yo mama money so you could make it to an interview.

Yo' mama is so broke she can't even lend you money to get into the city for an interview tomorrow. OOoooOOOooooo.     

So yeah, I'm just going to start writing and hope that someone hires me through some means of luck, sympathy or interest in my awesome skills. 

Oh hey, it's me (meeeeee)

It's been years!!! Let's see, what am I doing, where have I been....ah, yeah, nothing and nowhere. About a month ago, I fulfilled all requirements for my undergrad programs and I am now impatiently waiting for my degree to arrive to my house (which is going to take about another two months probably). When I came home a couple of weeks ago (four- which feels like 12 right now), I was filled with hope and all sorts of optimism in finding a job and finding a sense of inner peace and all those dreams I guess most people in their 20's have. Well, I haven't. Actually, I haven't been doing much of anything. I've sent out numerous résumés, and e-mails to companies and potential bosses which have led to nothing but an increased chance of possibly being stalked or becoming a victim of identity theft. 

All of this has had a domino effect on my life. My spirits are in the gutter, and I have been so wrapped up in mild depression and self-pity that I don't think about the things that I could be doing in this situation to enjoy myself or make myself a better person. I haven't touched my guitar since the first week I got back. I bought a book from B&N and haven't touched it since the first day I bought it. 

So, what to do now? Sell my iPod? Check. Write a book, sell enough copies to live comfortably and travel the world. Yep. It's nice to dream. 

The kids in the hall

I know I rant a lot but the kids in the hall have seriously lost it. I work at the front desk of some dorm that is known for its particularly laid back but sometimes crazy atmosphere. Figuring this, I took the late night shifts Mondays so I could get some work done. I mean who really drinks on a Monday night? Surprisingly many more than I would’ve ever imagined. Fine, drink. But do you have to get sloppy on a Monday night?? I have a bunch of obnoxious little kids (mostly freshman who think it’s oh so awesome and hardcore to drink little flavored smirnoffs and alize) stumbling in and then f'n congregating in the lounge all loud for like 30 minutes. I wouldn’t care as much if they just came in and went straight to their rooms or even their floor but then again I guess it defeats the purpose of drinking your liver off and not let everyone know that you had 1/2 a beer and got drunk. I think the worst case of 'most likely to fail out after one semester' has to be the infamous coke(+more) four. Honestly...why?? "My nose hurts" Yeah, it's probably from sniffing all that god damn coke!

Stupid late shift keeps throwing my sleeping pattern way off and as annoyed as I sound from all these frequent observations, it mostly saddens me how much time, money, 'education' is being wasted within all this. I guess if they're able to waste that much money on drugs and alcohol it doesn't really matter.